


A path to salvation

by harnatano (orphan_account)



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Brother Feels, Some angst, a lot of despair, and the oath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 15:02:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4750664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/harnatano
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A discussion between Maglor and Maedhros about Elros and Elrond, but not only.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A path to salvation

“Nelyo, you cannot go on like this.”

Maedhros held back a bitter laugh. Maglor was right. Of course he couldn’t go on like this, but that was precisely the point. There was no escape, no salvation, no ‘It will get better’. He was turning in circles, vainly, endlessly and there was no way out.

“What do you advise me to do then, oh wise brother. Enlight me with your wisdom.”

Sarcasm was part of his life now, not a day passed without its share of sarcasm and bitterness, the painful words falling form his lips and wounding those who would have the misfortune to hear them. Maglor was used to them now, and he needed more than a few acrid words to get hurt. That was the only good thing brought by the passing of time; This armour of iron around their hearts, this unsensitivity, this shield that kept them safe from the insults which more and more often bled from their lips.

Their hearts were far beyond that now.

“Nelyo.” Maglor began, with a soft but yet firm voice. He obviously didn’t plan to let his brother escape this time. Not so easily at least. “You'e hiding. You run away from life, from me, from the world, from…” He trailed off, looking away as the last word didn’t cross his lips.

“From the Oath?” Maedhros was now looking at his brother, searching Maglor’s grey eyes behind the black strands of his hair. “Is that what you wanted to say, Kano? That I am hiding from the Oath?”

It took Maglor a few seconds before he managed to reply. “Yes Nelyo. I think that’s exactly what you are doing.”

They shared a long, intense look, both of them tensed and painfully nervous, waiting for the other one to add something. Finally, it’s Maedhros who broke the silence, with a bitter laugh that sounded more like a growl. “ And is it not what you are doing as well? Hiding behind the Elwing’s twins, desperatly hoping they would keep you away from your fate.”

“And what fate is that, Nelyo?” The words came out with more strength than expected. “Contrary to you, I do something, and I don’t hide between the walls of my room, day after day, waiting for a salvation which will never come. Not like this at least.” Ignoring Maedhro’s offended features, Maglor continued with the same harsh tone. “You were there when we decided to keep them alive. You were there when I decided to take them with us. You accepted it. You said it was the right thing to do. How dare you attack me on this decision now?”

Chewing his bottom lip, Maedhros turned away. His brother was right. He had accepted it, it was also his responsibility, and yet he couldn’t help seeing how wrong and twisted it was.

“I do not hide behind them, Nelyo. I do what I have to do.”

“Right. But do not force me to become a part of it!” One eye twitching, ears leaning backwards, the hiss that fell from Maedhros’ lips was the one of a terrified cat, trapped in a corner and threatened by strangers.

_But you are a part of it, Nyelo. Whether you want it or not._

The thought brushed softly against Maedhros’ mind, but instead of soothing him, it only increased this burning rage. A rage he tried to cover with ashes, but which would still burn, devoring him from inside. His eye twitched again, and it seemed to him that Maglor understood his mistake. Osanwe should always been used carefully with Maedhros, and never when whe was in such a nervous state.

“Nelyo.” Maglor spoke again, trying to soften his own voice. “You cannot accuse me of anything, I’m doing the best for them, I–”

“Enough, Kano.” The elder brother cut, his left fist hurting the table between them. “You claim to love them, but do you not see the madness behind your so called love? Do you not see that you love them and protect them for the wrong reasons?”

“The wrong reasons? And you say I am mad?” With a sigh, Macalaurë stepped backwards, and in his eyes there were but offense and worries. “Explain yourself, Maitimo. For I appear to be too stupid to follow your reasoning.”

When Maedhros answered, his eyes were stern, his body still, his left hand still clenched into a fist. “Through them you see absolution, forgiveness. You see Ambarussa. You see light and you follow that light as if it could wash your sins away.”

“And did you not see Dior’s sons through them?” Maglor instantly replied, not giving his brother the chance to say anything else. “Did you not see forgiveness as well? Is it not why you kept them alive?”

After another long silence, the two brothers looking darkly into each others’ eyes, Maedhros replied. “I did. But I did not cling onto it. I let go of it, because I knew it wouldn’t lead me anywhere.”

Despair was obivious in the redhead’s voice, a dark, unfathomable despair which struck Maglor like a burning whip. “So that is what you think…? That there’s not hope for us anymore?”

“The dispossessed we are, Kano, and the dispossessed we will be. Until world’s end.”

“Unless we take them back.”

The tension between the two brothers slowly began to slip away, replaced by a profound melancholy. It seemed to sneak through the walls, filling the room and the space between them. A heavy gloom in which they were both trapped.

“All is not lost, Nelyo. There’s still hope.”

Maedhros shook his head. “And you see hope through the twins, do you not?”

If his words were harsh, Maedhros didn’t care. He had stopped caring after Ambarussa’s death, and despite his love for Maglor, he couldn’t force himself to be careful, to hold back. Not anymore. “They will not save us, Macalaurë.”

Maglor seemed to ponder his brother’s words, and a deep sigh left his lips as he sat down on the closest chair, fingers patting absent-mindedly on its arm. Maedhros used to love that sound, this rythmic melody escaping from his brother’s fingers as they hurt the surface of a table, a chair, a wall. But now… now that sound was infuriating. It seemed so loud and yet unreachable, violent and nervous. A quick rhythm, an harmony that wouldn’t stop and which was echoing painfully in Maedhros’ mind.

His eyes fell on Maglor’s fingers, and when the younger Noldo noticed it, his hand froze, and finally he replied. “They may not save us, but that doesn’t mean we should not save them.”

“But you are not saving them, Kano! By bringing them here, you condemned them. You affixed the doom of the Fëanorians upon them. You created a connection, a deep one, between our curse and their innocence.”

“You are unfair, Nelyo! Their mother had the Silmaril! We were connected even before their birth.” Maglor seemed to be fighting against the urge to stand up again, and to face his brother in a argument that, he knew, would be as pointless as it would be endless. “There will be no curse for them.”

“You don’t understand…”

“No Nelyo. You are the one who doesn’t understand.” Maglor’s melodious voice as still low, softer than before and yet it was determined and firm. “The twins can bring us something we miss and need, whether it is hope, light, or salvation… or maybe just peace.”

“And where is love in this?”

Maglor gave an offended look, his nails sinking into the arms of the chair as he prevented himself from yelling at his brother. “Love happens. Naturally. And even if it is not love, at least it is something, something else than this misery you carry around; the careless behavior of an old desperate warrior who does nothing but brood alone in his room, spending his nights in useless threats and laments.”

“That is true. I am a old desperate warrior. And so are you.”

“No, Maitimo. I am not like you. I am not desperate. And I refuse to think all of this was useless. I refuse to fall like you do, to let hopelessness overtake me. I am– We are…” Maglor trailed off, raising a proud, determined chin before he continued. “We are the sons of Fëanaro. We are the oathkeepers…”

“Thank you for the reminder, but I do remember that part.”

“Let me finish. Can we erase the past? Can we wipe off the sins? The deads? The blood? No, Maitimo. And so we must live with all of this. And we must do our best to avoid another bloodbath.”

Staring at his younger brother, Maedhros frowned as he let Maglor’s words roll through his mind. “What are you trying to say?”

“We must go on. I need you as much as you need me, and together, despite the pain, despite the blood and the regrets, we must protect what we have. Because we still have something.”

This time, Maedhros was sincerely shocked, and he didn’t try to hide his surprise. “If you are trying to convince me that you feel no remorse, then you’ll have to find something else, Kano. I know you well enough to see remorse in your eyes.”

“Precisely. We live with it. We take these regrets and make them our own. We embrace them.”

“And that is supposed to save from despair?” Another bitter laugh escaped Maedhros’ lips. “Well, well Kano. These boys actually have an effect on you. They fill your mind with a self-destructive hope.”

The comment couldn’t be ignored, and ragefully Maglor left his seat, heading to the door. “Say what you will, brother. Think what you want and lock yourself for three other weeks in your room. I couldn’t care less as long as you don’t share your bitterness with the twins. They do not need your despair. Neither do I.”

And as he left the room, Maedhros watched him, and couldn’t stop the words that were already rolling between his lips. “We are bound to the Oath, Kano. With or without these children. And let me tell you one thing: You have no right to make them the witnesses of this madness.”


End file.
